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Totally Accurate Battle Simulator - 10 Ways to Defeat Thanos

Written by Spineapple   /   Nov 10, 2019    


This guide will tell you how to defeat Thanos. This has nothing to do with tabs.

Defeating Thanos Using Different Methods



What you need to know before you try to defeat Thanos.

He is big and purple. He is big brain, but you can be bigger brain. Punching him won't work. Remember, Doctor Strange only saw 14,000,005 futures. He didn't see EVERY possible future. So here are futures 14,000,006-14,000,015.

Shoot Him



Why has nobody tried shooting him? With a gun, not a blaster thingy. Just get a gun, make sure he doesn't see you, and shoot him. Shooting him with light won't work. If a knife would have hurt him, think what a gun could have done. And don't let him know you're going to shoot him, or he'll just make you shoot bubbles (what is it with him and bubbles?). Seriously though, just shoot him. Shoot him in his big (purple?) brain.

Combine Left and Right Twix



With the power of a Left Twix and a Right Twix making a whole Twix, you will gain more power than Thanos with all the infinity stones. And a positive side, it won't kill you! (Unless you have diabetes, and if that's the case, thank you for your noble sacrifice.)

Put Hand Sanitizer and / or Lemon Juice on His Wounds



All you need is to get at least a little cut somewhere on his body (although the bigger the better). Then just pour hand sanitizer and/or lemon juice on his wounds. If it's in a more sensitive part of his body, it will have a bigger effect. This will give you enough time to take away the infinity gauntlet. If you can't manage to cut open his skin, try to get it in his eyes. Actually, try to get it in his eyes before you get it in his wounds, that may work better.

Chuck Norris



Chuck Norris could survive a nuke, so he can definitely take on Thanos. Chuck Norris could wear the Infinity Gauntlet and not even get hurt if he destroyed the stones. Just get Chuck Norris to where ever Thanos is and let him do his thing.

A Bunch of Draw Fours



Not even Thanos can withstand this pain. It will work better if you stack them. After 100 draw fours (adding up to drawing 400) he will be left physically disabled. After that, just take the infinity gauntlet, finish off Thanos's army, and you've saved the universe.

Clone Him



A clone of him could put up a good fight. 20 CLONES could stop him in a snap. Then, after they defeat him, have one of them snap away his army and snap back the civilization on Titan. Wait, why didn't Thanos do that? Or did he do that and we just didn't know about it?

Tell Him to Double the Resources



He's logical, right? Just negotiate with him, I'm sure it'll work, maybe...

Get More Fighters



Get the Army, get the Marines, get the Air Force. Get a tank, get a nuke, get an Australian person (they have to deal with Kickboxing Kangaroos and huge, poisonous spiders, they'd be really tough).

Sign Him Up for Duolingo



If you sign him up on Duolingo without him knowing, he won't practice, and if he doesn't practice, you know HOO will show up...

(By the way, sign him up for learning Groot).

Eat the Infinity Stones



Now hear me out. You will die from this if you do this, so leave this as a last resort. Dying from this is actual crucial to it working. If you eat the stones, you will blow up. You need to be next to Thanos so he will blow up to. Try sitting on his shoulders like he's giving you a piggy-back ride so his head will definitely blow up. If you do this, then thank you for your noble sacrifice.

Written by Spineapple.