This guide will teach you everything you need to know to finally catch your very own loli.
Guide to Catching Loli (Step-by-Step)
- The first thing you need to do is slather yourself in jelly.
- Lolis love jelly.
- Now, while coated in jelly, traverse to the anime realm.
- To get to this realm, you have to sacrifice a significant amount of chromosmes, 7 to be exact.
- Because of this high chromosomal count, you must only visit once, or your chromosome bank will become depleted very rapidly.
- Once in the realm, after taking a ride from Oinkers the magical Desu pig, you shall find yourself in the anime realm.
- Continue on to step 2, if any problems occur, call Dominoes pizza and order a Cheese Pizza.
- Now that you're in the anime realm, it's time to locate Loli village.
- This is where the jelly comes in.
- You see, the jelly should have sept into your pours, allowing you to get a sense of where the village is.
- Follow this feeling until you reach the gate of all Desu.
- A kawaii anime loli will now test you.
- She will lay in front of you, in an extremely kawaii position.
- Do not attempt to catch her in your box.
- The reason for this, is that she's actually a Jihad Loli, and will blow up upon contact with box.
- It is simply a test of your devotion to the Loli kind.
- You must yell "Moe kawaii, you are noe moe kawaii!" to make her dissapear.
- The gates will now open.
- On to step 3.
- Now you have reached the Loli village.
- Take your time surveying the area, and pick a Loli suitable to your needs.
- Now, when you have found the special animu princess, wait until dusk.
- When all the lolis go to sleep in their kawaii desu sleeping huts, its your time to strike! Pounce upon them, throwing pocky in their mouth, keeping them subdued.
- Throw your box over her, flip it, and seal it with your love. Quickly pick it up and bolt.
- On to step 4, the hardest and final step.
- This is the hardest step.
- As now to get home, you must summon the Loli queen herself, Sasuke Uchiha.
- To summon her, simply yell "Reee" until you can feel all of the normies leaving your body.
- Once done, she shall appear in all her holiness.
- To get home to our realm, you must appease her.
- To do so, sing to her "Pomf Pomf," and she shall reply, "Kimochi, what's this sticky stuff on me."
Heres the challenging part
- You must close your eyes until you hear the music stop, but until then, Lolis will crawl from all over onto you, begging for the onii-chan.
- You must resist your urge, or else you will die then and there.
- Once the music stops and you open your eyes, you will be back in our realm, with your very own Loli in a box.
- You have properly caught your Loli.
- You should feel proud, as now you can be with your significant Kawaii-ther forever.
- Have fun with her, and remember, no means yes, and yes means now.