A fairly detailed guide on how to get each and every achievement. I’m not 100% sure on the endings, but I am certain that the 3 ways described will get you each of them.
How to Obtain All Achievements
At least you can read
- As the description says: Read any ingame note
- Walk up to one of those paper-notes hanging everywhere, look at it, and press E.
Well Well Well
- Honestly I forgot how I got this. Try walking up to the well in the beginning, maybe throw some trash into it.
Hole in one!
- Get a hole in one. Some holes are easier than others. You may get it by luck as well. Without much effort, I managed to get a hole in one for 7, 8, and 13.
Not the face!
- When you progress far enough, Mr. Golfy will roam around. Just make sure to get killed at least once. Once he spawns, he never disappears, so you don’t have to worry about going back and such.
Into the belly of the beast
- After further progress, you will get to a stage with a massive fish swimming around. Hop into the water and get eaten by it to get this achievement. You must have gone through the correct door to meet this fish.
- Once you complete the “ocean” level, the fish will be on land. Get eaten by it again, I believe.
The Good, The Sad and The True ending
I forgot which is which, but here are all three:
- Simply walk out the exit, where you started.
- If you completed the game with a combined score of 32 or less (press TAB to check your score), a door will open when you attempt to walk out. Turn around and walk into the house right next to you, that is where the door opened.
- Gather coins and throw them into the well in the beginning to obtain levers. You will need 2 coins in total to obtain the 2 levers needed.
Coin locations relative to where you spawn:
- The house in front of the one you spawn in contains 2 toilets. Walk into the house, the toilet on the left will have a coin on top of it.
- Walk out of the spawn house, turn around 180 degrees. There will be a coin on the corner of the table right there.
- Walk out of the spawn house, turn around 180 degrees. Walk until the last turn where you can go right. Take that right turn, look into the trashcan.
- The first lever will open a door to a house, which is where Golfy roams, at the end of hole 7. The next lever will be placed inside the mentioned house. When flicked, this will open a door. That door is located in the house where the third coin is described/found.
The Great Escape
- In the main menu, hit “Escape Mode”. Complete that level.
- You need to locate a valve, 12-eyed trout, and a leg/arm.
- The valve will be used on the top floor in a small room near the top of the stairs. It has a box that will open once the valve is used there. On the ground-floor, plop the lever into place near the door. I recommend flicking it once placed, but it is not required to do it immediately.
- Next up, grab the 12-eyed trout and throw it into the frame on the side of the stairs. That opens a door behind the stairs.
- Grab a leg/arm, or if you cannot find one, head into the new room and grab the one in there. Head back to the ground floor and dip the body part in toxic waste. Then feed it to the fish and grab the lever on the other side of the water.
- Plop that lever into place, flick it, the door opens. Now, run.
- In the main menu, hit Merry Golfmas DLC, this is a new play-mode.
- I won’t spoil the puzzle as I quite enjoyed playing it. Once you get far enough, a Golfy Junior will run around. At this point, you will have had experience with a burning stick. If you throw a burning stick at him, he will burn and die. That is how you get this achievement.
To hell with Christmas!
- In the main menu, hit Merry Golfmas DLC and complete the level. It is quite tedious, but managable. You have 5 lives in each attempt, use them wisely!
I did my part!
- When playing the Merry Golfmas DLC, you will at one point throw soda cans into a trashcan to obtain a lever. If you throw 7 soda cans into the trashcan, you get this achievement. The remaining few cans are located in the same area as the rest, so you just have to look for them.