This guide will teach you how to rebel against our table overlords.
Guide to Rebel Against Table Overlords
How to Engage a Table
Alright, first thing you’ll wanna do is get a hold of the table.
Here’s what you’ll want to do:
- Load up any map.
- Find the table.
- Grab it and bring it to a clear area.
I used Lee Chemicals in this example, you can find The Table inside the office building.
(see pic) Now i know that they can be hard to spot for beginners, so just try to look trough every room very carefully.
After you got it, grab it and bring it outside to a clear area.
Setting Up the Table for Execution
Alright i didn’t wanna tell you this up until now, but we’re gonna be executing it.
How else would we fight against their oppression?
Here are the steps:
- Grab your sledge hammer.
- Stare into the soul of your table.
- Grab the tool of your choice and start calculating the hammer’s trajectory, velocity, power..etc
Once you’re got over the fact that you’re gonna be executing a Table, grab your sledge hammer.
If you somehow don’t have one, feel free to leave to door is right there.
Now with sledge in hand look into The Table’s eyes menacingly.
With all that done go ahead and take out your tool of choice (chalk, spraycan..etc) and start calculating the trajectory of your hammer to hit the table in just the right place, the velocity you want to hit at and the power you want to hit with.
But you don’t have to worry i’ve done the math for you, and trust me i’m completely qualified.
Preparing Your Sledge
Now that you’re all done with the math, grab your sledge once again to prepare it.
- Grab your sledge.
- Find water and dump it into it.
- Clean your sledge in the water.
- Get your phone and speaker out and play the Home Depot theme at max volume.
Alright now grab your trusty sledge and get into the nearest body of water you can find, (if there’s none.. well, switch to some other map i guess?) and jump into with your sledge. Now grab some towels n’ stuff and start cleaning it. Make sure you give it the most amount of respect. After that come out of the water, grab your phone and speaker (which you should have with you at all times obviously) connect your phone to the speaker and play the Home Depot theme for an hour at max volume. After this, you’re done with preparing your sledge.
Executing the Table
Here we are, the last major step in my guide, we’re gonna finish this table off.
Grab your trusty sledge with both hands and hold it above your head and get ready to hit the table with the calculated amount of velocity, power on the calculated trajectory. And when you’re about to swing the hammer,
Throw it off to the side, grab your thermo-nuclear bomb strike caller instead, find a safe position and call in a strike right ontop of the table and wait for it to arrive.
You did it! You destroyed the table!
I’m so proud of you, now use what you learned here with caution the table overlords can be quite resilient, so make absolutely sure you destroyed every single piece of it.
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