Wobbledogs – How to Prevent Your Dogs from Dying

How to prevent your dogs from dying of old age.

Achieving Wobbledog Immortality

Greetings, fellow Wobbledoggers. If you’re like me, you probably find it just a tad upsetting when your coolest dog decides to die. If you’re really like me, you probably also stubbornly refuse to check that nice and easy “Disable dog death” option. What’s a person to do when their dogs are frustratingly mortal, and their gamer pride impossibly thick?

Introducing the starvation room.

Customizable dog eggs might be in short supply, but the game allows you to create an infinite number of default eggs for free. The dogs who inhabit these forsaken chambers do not know the feeling of human touch. They have never seen a toy. The lucky ones among them might get to indulge upon a limb or body of the previous inhabitant of their cell before the hunger begins. Wobbledogs take fifteen minutes to starve to death after hatching. You can allow them to pupate up to Teen before it happens, but it doesn’t affect the end result.

What does this accomplish, exactly? Allow me to explain:

You see, friends, when a Wobbledog dies, it produces a Dog Core. Crack open one of these bad boys, and another dog can slurp down that sweet, sweet soul nectar to extend its own lifespan. The plan is simple: Amass a dragon’s hoard of dog cores, let my good boy Brungus feast upon them, and achieve immortality.

At this point you may be asking, Juiced, what exactly is wrong with you? It’s a good question! I’ll be sure to ask my therapist about it.

Anyway, I let the starvation chamber run for awhile, checking in periodically to replace the dead dogs and remove clumps of dirt they’d dug up in their futile attempt to obtain even the lowest of sustenance. I have amassed a king’s feast of tormented souls for my favorite dog. I am, in all likelihood, the greatest mass murderer of wobbledogs. Brungus ate too many dog cores and puked on the floor.

Conclusion

So, was it all worth it? Turns out, the wiki says Wobbledogs actually max out at about three hours of lifespan and then the cores stop working. Unfortunately, in the end, there’s no escaping death. No matter how many bodies you leave in your wake, you’ll end up in the same dirt as those you stood upon. Wonderful.

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2 Comments

  1. I’m currently sitting at 255 mins with my good boy Cornbread and his sacrificial martyrs

  2. I have a dog named Corpse Cleaner that has been alive for several generations, creating sons and daughters of its own. I’m sure you can assume what its name entails.

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