This is a terrible achievement. I ran it for several hours even after I got the achievement to figure out what the best path was and even still the best I can do is a ~33% success rate. At least it beats trying for several hours.
The Zurks are an RNG-fest. Most of the time they’ll helplessly launch themselves in your general direction and might even explode out of sheer shame.
Then there’s the random Zurk possessing the powers of both Usain Bolt and Kobe Bryant and an insatiable bloodlust for cats. This Zurk has opened its mind’s eye and knows where you’re going before even you do. There is no escape from this Zurk, and there’s also no consistency in where it’ll appear.
As a result, even though I’ve tried to minimise the amount of time you spend within farting distance of the Zurks, at certain points you’re still just going to be rolling the dice. Expect to retry a good deal of times, but with the path in this guide, you should definitely be able to do it within one sitting.
If you’re wondering why my cat looks different, it’s because I modded the texture to match my cat Dibley.
The Path: Part 1
In order to help you visualise the path I looked for as many visual cues as possible for you to follow.
Apologies for the blurriness, I forgot to disable motion blur. However the path is still clear and I’ve added arrows to indicate the path to follow.
So, to start, head right and run onto this trash pile and then run straight along the wall.
Next, run straight along the wall to the next trash pile on the floor.
Once you reach the trash pile, cross the street to the pile of zurk goo on the floor.
Now, from this zurk goo, run towards the yellow sign.
As you reach the trash by the sign, take a sharp right into the blue corner path.
In this little room, you wanna take a left, hugging the boxes next to the pillar in order to avoid the zurks you just ran around. The zurks on the counter will not bother you.
Once you exit the blue corner room, head towards the front of this van.
As you reach the van, you’ll see two flattened pieces of cardboard on the floor. You wanna take a wide turn going between the van and the first piece of cardboard, and then between the two pieces of cardboard, as shown.
Once you pass the pieces of cardboard, you should be heading straight towards a door.
As soon as you reach the lighter part of the floor, take a wide turn left towards the vending machine.
As you pass the vending machine, stick close towards the right wall until you reach the stairs.
Once you reach the top of the stairs, descend whilst crossing over towards the left. Aim for the little junction box on the wall.
Once you’ve reached it, turn right towards this wooden plank on the floor.
Run over this plank. As you run over the plank head to the right wall.
Once you’ve passed this plank, head towards this red jerry-can by the pile of boxes.
Make sure not to get too close to the jerry-can however as a zurk typically jumps at you here. Instead you wanna take a left turn before you reach the jerry-can.
If you’re too close to the jerry-can, the zurk will bounce off it and latch onto you, so just a little space to let him fall to the ground after hitting it will keep you safe.
As soon as you pass that jerry-can, you want to follow the boxes on the right and stay close to the wall.
Following the wall, just as you reach the corner by the metal door, you want to turn left towards the blue sign. This is to avoid a zurk that usually jumps from the left.
Just before you reach the sign, turn right and head towards these vending machines to avoid another zurk.
Once you enter this building, hug the right wall and follow it until you reach the plastic chair in the corner.
As you reach the chair, cross over to the left wall as you reach the stairs.
At the bottom of these stairs is a plant pot. Unlike almost all other debris in the game this one has some weight, meaning you’ll be slowed down if you run into it. Just turn into the middle of the hallway to avoid it until you reach the little step-up in the floor (marked with a red line).
As soon as you reach that little step-up in the floor from the last picture, head back towards the left wall.
Just as you reach the corner of the wall, turn right and head towards the blue sign to avoid a zurk that usually jumps here.
Upon reaching the sign immediately head left, towards the red and white plastic boxes on the floor.
Stick to the left as you climb the stairs. You want to follow the wall to the left, but you want to leave a small space between you and the corner. Similarly to before, a zurk jumps at you and once he hits the wall, he’ll drop down and if you’re too close to the wall as he falls he’ll latch onto you.
As you can see here, as I reach the top of the stairs, one of them jumps at me. It’s important that I’m close to the wall because otherwise I’d be close enough for him to just jump onto me immediately. But after he has jumped, I will move a little away from the wall and leave a gap between me and the wall just to allow him to fall to the ground.
Once you’ve made it around the corner, you want to get very close to the left wall. Zurks will come from the right, but if you’re close to the left wall they’re usually too far away to be a threat. Most of the time they won’t even jump at you.
Sticking by the wall, head towards this tin can on the floor.
Once you reach the tin can, you want to head to the right side of the alley, towards this pile of junk.
Stick to the right and run through these red plastic boxes. As you do, turn slightly left and aim towards the red plastic box in the distance.
As you approach this lone red box on the floor, you want to run between it and the stack of white boxes on the wall.
The Path: RNG Hell
Follow along the left wall until you reach a set of stairs. You want to stick as far right as you can as you go through this room.
As you exit the room, head towards this tin can laying in the alley. If you believe in a God, now is the time to pray for good luck, because the next part is entirely random and will be 90% of your retries.
As you pass by this can, zurks will jump out of the fence up on the left into the alleyway. The path you want to take depends on where they land.
If they land on the right-side of the alleyway, you will go under them to the left.
If they drop down closer to the left, you will instead hug the right wall, but cross over to the middle as soon as you pass them.
If they land in the middle of the alleyway, or sometimes a few zurks land on either side of the alleyway, chances are high you won’t make this run. Just zig-zag and hope for the best.
Regardless of which side you take, you don’t want to stay next to the wall. You want to serpentine between the nearest wall and the middle of the alleyway. For example, here I went left, so I wiggled between the left wall and the middle of the alleyway.
If you get past this part, don’t get excited because there is still a very RNG-heavy part right at the end and you’ll just disappoint yourself by thinking you’ve made it because you passed this part.
The Path: Part 2
Once you’re past the worst part of the run, you’ll be running straight, and more zurks will be seen through the fence on your left. As the fence ends you’ll notice the floor on the left is a lighter colour than the floor you’re running on. You want to turn left to get as close to the lighter floor as possible without actually running on it. Consider the lighter floor as a wall, and run alongside it.
Run straight, following this lighter floor until you reach this doorstep.
As soon as you reach the doorstep, take a sharp right, head around these plastic crates and down the stairs.
As you near the bottom of the stairs, you want to hug the right wall but turn to take the left corner as tightly as possible.
As you turn into this little opening there’ll be a few zurks here. You’re going to run straight through them. most of the time they’ll just be knocked aside and hop after you.
Once you reach the stairs, hug the right wall.
At the top of the stairs, stick to the right wall. You’ll see zurks crawling out of a van on the left. Just up ahead is a sign by a pile of trash, run around this sticking as close to the right as you can.
Keep to the right, and you’ll come towards some trash bags. This will be the last dodge of the run, but it’s a tough one.
Like we’ve done before, we want to take this corner but with a bit of space between us and the wall on our right. This is because there’s a large group of zurks emerging from the stairs by the yellow sign. If you’re too close to them they’ll latch right onto you, and if you’re too close to the wall they’ll bounce off the wall and latch onto you.
Once you’ve rounded the corner, you want to head towards the right wall and then immediately towards the middle of the stairs.
It’s important to move towards the middle of the stairs to avoid the zurks jumping at us when we turned towards the wall.
Once you make it up the stairs, you’re home free.
Don’t forget to hold the jump button as you reach the end!