Aberrant Fish and How to Cook Them
By 1237Peeper.
Grotesque Mackerel
Flesh is so full of mercury it’s more mercury than animal. Throw it back.
Lumpy Mackerel
The fluid in those moving lumps is acidic. While it’s not acidic enough to seriously hurt someone unless they swallow it, it kicks the fish off the menu for good.
Many-Eyed Mackerel
Richer in omega-3 fatty acids than the other mackerels that live in and around The Marrows. Somehow it keeps worse than the other mackerels, so it’s either eaten raw or cured the moment people catch one.
All-Seeing Cod
Remove the eyes before cooking and/or eating one. You’ll thank me later. Not only will you dodge the abrupt onset of insanity that arrives if you eat the fish with eyes intact, but the resultant taste will basically make it seem like the fish is melting in the mouth.
Fanged Cod
Basically unchanged in comparison to regular cod, but people in The Marrows tend to stock up on them due to their rarity. Typically smoked before eating because people say eating one that hasn’t been prepared properly will turn you into a cannibal. This is superstition, though.
Three-Headed Cod
Meat is usually cut into strips and turned into this weird green jerky. Yes, the meat is actually green. The jerky is a very common snack food in both Marrows. Tastes strangely like ham.
Brood Squid
Don’t eat these or your back will get pregnant. Seriously. Don’t turn yourself into a bootleg surinam toad.
Snag Squid
Not usually eaten due to the stale taste and stringy meat, but the teeth are typically removed and kept in the pocket as good luck charms.
Barbed Eel
Treated like normal eels because they haven’t been changed too much. For reasons beyond me, in Greater Marrow, these eels are gutted, deboned and pickled for weddings. The bride and groom eat one of these pickled eels before kissing to really tie the knot.
Host Eel
People in Little Marrow claim that only real men eat the weird glowing shapes in the eel. Those ‘real men’ will be vomiting baby host eels for weeks in the best case scenario and dead in the worst case scenario.
Cyclopean Flounder
The ‘eye’ is considered a delicacy in The Marrows, especially the egg that resembles a pupil. While the rest of the fish is basically a shell meant to hold the egg, the meat on the fish has a very tender flavor and is typically eaten alongside the egg, which is usually boiled.
Riddled Flounder
People usually eat the shapeless mass that the fish surrounds, and the mass tastes like a soapy sponge if not cooked. The mass also can and will give you some form of botulism if eaten raw or not prepared properly. An acquired taste when cooked. People who eat these are seen as gross in Little Marrow, but that doesn’t stop people in Greater Marrow from eating them.
Tusked Grouper
Richest areas of flavor are the bulky jaw muscles, which are typically flambéed. Because they don’t have eyes and typically stray a bit too close to the shore for their own good, people will sometimes wade into the water, grab them with their bare hands and pick them up before taking them home. This practice is usually done in Little Marrow, and because of how feisty they are, these people usually sport a few scars on their arms or legs from being bitten by them.
Voltaic Grouper
Functionally immortal unless the body is damaged. Dangerous to catch, dangerous to touch. Possibly radioactive. Do not eat!!!
Shard Ray
Grainy, gritty, unappealing flesh that tastes like sand and also feels like it in the mouth. Eating one also causes black crystals to grow in the eater’s flesh and blood, inevitably killing whoever or whatever eats it, so people fishing for food will always throw one overboard. The crystals can be used for jewelry though, so when people catch them, they take some of the crystals before throwing them overboard. Removing the crystals doesn’t hurt the creatures either.
Sallow Sailfish
Fish meat should not have the same texture as calamari. If you think you can handle the light sensitivity, severe migraines and possibly some kind of disease similar to chronic wasting disease brought on by eating one of these, be my guest.
Hooked Sailfish
The bony protrusions can be used for all sorts of things, and the meat is both tender and absolutely packed with essential nutrients. The hook-like bill can also be cut off and used as a fishhook, but doing this isn’t recommended as said hook tends to attract… less than savory things.
Bloodskin Shark
Used to be used in shark fin soup by The Marrows, but the stuff fell out of favor due to the unsettling sight of dozens of definned bloodskin sharks washing up on the shores of both Marrows. People thought it was an omen, and they didn’t take any chances. Nowadays people in The Marrows leave them well alone, but that doesn’t stop other people from catching them and making sure no part of the shark goes to waste.
Cleft-Mouth Shark
Considered a rare delicacy in The Marrows. The liver is usually eaten raw while the meat is often steamed. While eating the raw liver has its own risks, people outside The Marrows can’t stomach the meat of these fish due to the… unique mouthfeel of the meat.
Cerebral Crab
It would be wise to remove the turquoise mass in this thing’s body before cooking this thing, as the mass is basically the creature’s vital organs. Don’t try to pierce the mass either, because if you do, it sprays turquoise fluid all over you. No one’s entirely nailed down what element the fluid is yet, but I’ll tell you this: it’s a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton. Aside from all of that, once you remove the mass, throw the empty husk into a crab pot and cook it.
Malignant Pincer
If you damage any part of the crab, the tumors win and grow in number exponentially. This reaction is short-lived, and the tumors will eventually wither and shrink into a weird, faintly glowing husk the size of a cow. Just not edible.
Gnashing Perch
To the residents of Ingfell, a pest notorious for chewing through trawl nets, crab pots, fishing lines, wooden supports and even the occasional limb. To Ingfell, only worthy of being thrown into a fire while still alive. To everyone else, a rare, tasty oddity that is often shallow poached.
Flayed Mackerel
Undead and unpalatable.
Bearded Mackerel
Basically unchanged and actually has a solid chance of integrating well with ecologies outside of the islands once its genome stabilizes. Tastes like poultry. The tendrils can be eaten raw, but the locals of Ingfell use said tendrils for their own spin on spaghetti.
Scouring Bass
It might be tempting to pop the eyes, but don’t. Not only is doing that really mean, but you’d be sprayed with the most powerful acid the universe has ever seen. Only the guts are edible, and they taste terrible even when cooked. Overall a waste of time to catch.
Gelatinous Stonefish
Do not eat. The secrets of the universe are not for you to know.
Enthralled Stonefish
While the hollow shell of a fish just isn’t edible, the creature nestled inside is. However, the creature needs to be lured out with a treat and then quickly killed before any cooking can actually take place. Once slain, the creature can be deep fried and served as a tasty meal. A popular dish in Ingfell.
Decaying Blackmouth
Infested with necrotizing fasciitis. Don’t even try.
Sprouting Eel
Pretty to look at, but trying to eat one even with the crystals removed is like chewing on a rock.
Withered Ray
Surprisingly good eating for an undead fish because not only will you not catch anything from eating it, the flesh dehydrates itself, making a tough jerky that is rich in flavor. A delicacy in Ingfell.
Translucent Sturgeon
Basically normal sturgeons, and they’re often farmed in Ingfell for their meat and caviar, which is also transparent. The wild ones are not at risk of poaching at all because of the farmed population.
Shattered Wreckfish
Have you ever heard of those fish with blue meat? This is basically that, but bigger, more flavorful and the blue color isn’t destroyed by cooking. Shattered wreckfish steaks are considered a delicacy in Ingfell.
Bony Wreckfish
Basically normal wreckfish, but the bony protrusions have to be pulled off before any cooking can begin because they get in the way.
Splintered Crab
The weird amber glue is actually the internal structure of these things. And it’s got a surprisingly tender flavor when boiled and smacked with a meat tenderizer a good dozen times.
Cortex Decorator
Since the brain is spread throughout this crab’s body, if you eat any part of this thing, even if it’s cooked, it’ll give you kuru. Throw it back.
Parhelion Jellyfish
Commonly caught by the locals of the Stellar Basin along with its non-warped counterpart for food, where it is left out in the sun to dry. Side effects of eating may include glowing flesh, audiovisual hallucinations of a massive figure on the horizon that gives misleading advice, and spontaneous nail loss.
Cursed Fangtooth
Do not eat. If you eat one, the curse spreads to you.
Voideye
Looking into its eye is bad enough for your sanity already. Eating the flesh of a voideye will basically fry your brain.
Radiant Squid
Pretty to look at, but they taste awful no matter how you prepare and/or season them. A popular catch among the locals, who think they taste great.
Blood Snapper
Enough meat on one to feed the Stellar Basin village for weeks if rationed properly, but the constant bleeding always makes a big mess, so it’s not a popular catch.
Latching Snapper
Even with preparation, eating this fish causes swelling of the lips and temporary blindness, so it’s not a popular food item. Recommended for masochists.
Ruptured Vessel
When these wash up on the village’s shores, the villagers will take them no matter the time of day or the weather. The eggs are typically spit-roasted and cut into slices.
Perished Loosejaw
Their meat is infested with worms, but the villagers don’t catch them for their meat. It’s the worms they want. The worms are basically candy to the villagers, and said worms are usually pickled for a few days before being eaten.
Calcified Snailfish
Flesh so bland that it should be considered a crime against all of existence. Not worth cracking one open with the boys.
Seizing Snailfish
When caught, the locals leave them out to dry while they’re still squirming. Once they’re all dead and desiccated, the locals debone them and get rid of the guts. The resultant jerky tastes bland, but it’s not something that seasoning can’t fix. Used by the locals as rations.
Consumed Grouper
Basically no meat, and what little meat is there is rancid. Their fin bones are ground up and used as seasoning by the locals though. Said seasoning is surprisingly similar to pepper in taste.
Medusa Octopus
Basically all muscle tissue. Highly prized by the locals for their tender, flavorful meat and catching one is a rite of passage among them. The tentacles are cut into long cords and roasted until golden brown, while the ‘head’ is boiled and then spit-roasted. The teeth are worn as jewelry by the locals.
Bursting Anglerfish
The villagers consider them to be gifts from their main deity, and whenever they show up near the surface, the locals catch as many of them as they possibly can. While no part of the fish goes to waste, the second mouth is typically pan fried with several other mouths in the same pan.
Savage Barracuda
There’s not a lot of meat on these most of the time since the stupid fish keeps tearing itself apart. But what meat there is on the fish is jam packed with adrenaline. Typically eaten by the locals before going on potentially dangerous hunts.
Concertina Barracuda
Their skin is made of what looks like stainless steel and if you cut one of them open, you’ll be sprayed with hydraulic fluid. Just not edible, but any that the locals find are highly prized because of the fact that the metal ‘skin’ can be used for musical instruments (which sound like rainsticks) and even for weapons if prepared correctly.
Gazing Shark
While they’re a hassle to catch in the minds of the villagers for a variety of reasons, the tender taste and velvety texture of the meat makes for a pretty good hákarl, and the villagers celebrate when one is caught. Just try not to look into the eyes. Seriously.
Crown of Nadir
Don’t.
Entangled Crab
Because of how common these things are, the locals can just walk into the water and pick up two or three at a time. The weird purple tentacle things are often sheared off, boiled in seawater and then used in what can only be described as purple spaghetti with no sauce.
Imperious Lobster
Due to how quickly the purple liquid drains into a place no one knows the whereabouts of, you need to detach the sacs right away before they can drain in full. While the purple meat of these creatures makes a mean bisque and the feelers can be dried out and used as jerky, the purple fluid in those sacs actually makes for a pretty good sauce.
Entwined Mullet
You might be surprised to hear this because of the fact that the Mind Suckers exist, but people other than the poor sap that crashed there live in the Twisted Strand. They’re afraid of outsiders, secretive and don’t get out much, though. They consider the weird tentacles of the entwined mullet to be a delicacy, and said tentacles can be eaten as-is.
Gleaming Mullet
The liquid in the pustules is actually edible and is often used as something similar to seasoning by the locals. The liquid also soaks into the flesh of the fish itself, giving its meat a honey-like flavor. In high demand in Ingfell and The Marrows.
Blistered Tarpon
While killing them would be a mercy, eating the flesh of one causes sunlight hypersensitivity and an all-consuming desire to eat human flesh. The locals consider them cursed because of these traits.
Vortex Interloper
Eating the flesh of one of these aberrant fish causes the intrusive thoughts to win. Just not worth eating if you value your sanity.
Clawfin Gar
The people of the Strand often catch these for their claws, which are used for weapons and tools. They also eat their meat, but it’s a hassle to prepare because of how oily the meat is. The meat is usually boiled to get rid of most of the oil.
Grinning Gar
The tough meat of these fish puts them off the menu for the natives of the Strand, but people outside the Strand really, really like the toughness of the meat. Bafflingly, if eaten raw, the flesh of these fish gives the eater a British accent. This accent fades after a week though.
Twinned Eels
Culturally important to the people of the Strand as a symbol of both family and resilience and is thus not eaten.
Nightwing Catfish
The meat is very fatty, and because of the rarity of these things, the meat is usually eaten by people of the Strand that rule over any one of the Strand’s tribes.
Effigy Crab
Trying to eat one is… not exactly the best decision because of the fact that as soon as you expose what should be the flesh, the motes of yellow light inside the crab escape. And those ‘motes of light’ are physical objects that move really fast, so once the motes are done escaping, you’ll either be dead or seriously injured.
Mire Screecher
The natives of the Twisted Strand incorporated these things into their creation myth. It’s not pretty. These aberrant crabs are also ritualistically sacrificed by the natives to ward off the Mind Suckers. Aside from that and the fact that the natives use Mire Screecher teeth in their jewelry, the natives don’t eat them. Its flesh can be used in some pretty good crab cakes though.
Ossified Searobin
Like the Twisted Strand, the natives of the Devil’s Spine are secretive, but they’re more distrustful towards outsiders instead of fearful. They’re also a highly resilient people, managing to survive the invasion of the cult that happened so long ago. The ossified searobin is a very popular catch among the natives and is typically steamed before the meat is prepared.
Infernal Eel
Not eaten by the locals because of the fact that these things are more fat than flesh.
Serpentine Mackerel
These things are often used by the locals as an ingredient for something very similar to snake wine.
Tattered Mackerel
Their genetic code can best be described as having been ‘written in Comic Sans’. The strips themselves can be fried and eaten as bacon, and the locals do this in order to prepare these fish.
Defaced Skate
An invasive species that was brought to the Spine by the cult before it fell apart into a zillion pieces and the survivors were slaughtered by the natives. Though what little meat is on them is tough and not very flavorful, people eat these because it’s better than starving. And because the meat basically keeps itself, the meat can be used as rations in lean times.
Rapt Shark
Eating the meat of one of these fish causes euphoria and a feeling of flying through the air, and eating the eyes causes these feelings to intensify tenfold. Though preparing destroys this feeling, no matter how you prepare the eyes, the feeling never goes away from them. The locals of the Spine usually fry the meat before eating said meat, but they eat the eyes to get high.
Twisted Shark
Because the amount of meat on one of these things can feed every local in the Spine for weeks, if someone in the Spine catches one of these, everyone who lives in the Spine celebrates. The meat, which can be eaten raw with no adverse effects and is usually cut into cubes, has a texture similar to tofu.
Grasping Snail
These things very rarely come anywhere close to the shallows of the Spine, and when the natives find them, they are often kept as prized pets. Surprisingly, these aberrant snails can breathe air just fine, and they can be taught sign language thanks to their weird hand mouthparts, though their comprehension of sign language is… questionable, to say the least. When a pet Grasping Snail dies, the remains are boiled in ‘piranha’ blood and then fed to other Grasping Snails that are kept as pets, since these creatures have no problems with cannibalism. The leftover molybdenum shells of dead Grasping Snails are also used as containers by the natives.
Sable Reacher
The muscular webbing between the legs can best be described as beef with the texture of nori. Other than that, these crabs don’t really have a lot to offer in terms of cuisine.
Umbral Puppet
You don’t catch these crabs. These crabs come to you. The flesh of these aberrant crabs is naturally cold and has the consistency of ketchup, meaning that this thing essentially makes its own ice cream.
Anchovy King
Because these things are literally just a bunch of anchovies fused together, you can prepare them just like any other anchovy. Just be sure to peel off the anchovies if you wanna prepare the anchovy king’s members individually.
Leeching Prawn
Easy surf and turf. Just let one bite onto a particularly juicy steak and plop it on the grill before it can detach. Grilled Leeching Prawns are a traditional foodstuff in the Marrows.
Razormouth Tuna
Higher in mercury than any other tuna species. Just barely teeters the line between being edible and being unsafe for human consumption.
Decrepit Viperfish
Hollow body with no meat whatsoever.
Collapsed Viperfish
Will basically explode with the force of a stick of dynamite within seconds of you removing them from the water unless you put them in a bucket of water as fast as possible. The weird bloody mass can be boiled and is used in The Marrows to make something similar to blood pudding, but more flavorful and can cause auditory hallucinations if eaten in massive quantities.
Skeletal Moonfish
No meat whatsoever. Not worth catching unless you like fish skeletons.
Beaked Moonfish
Their rock-hard shell and sharp beak may make them seem unappetizing, but they’re only unappetizing if you’re not able to improvise or don’t have the right tools for the job. People typically pry their shells open and remove the meat before throwing the carcass back in the water for the fish to eat. The meat itself, when cooked, tastes strangely like venison.
Congealed Rattail
Basically turns to mush moments after being pulled out of the water. Though eating one of these won’t kill you, it has a revolting taste (think licking a well-used dog bed) and mouthfeel, so no one eats them.
Charred Sunfish
Somehow even more useless than their normal counterparts now that the flesh will literally burn you if you touch it with your bare hands. Hot enough to set wood on fire on contact.
Glaring Sunfish
These aberrant sunfish are less useless than their non-warped counterparts. The meat is a lot more palatable than the meat of normal sunfish, especially the lips, and the eyes can actually be eaten raw with no side-effects. However, if you eat the meat raw, you’ll start seeing eyes that aren’t actually there on random surfaces for a few hours to almost a year depending on how much raw glaring sunfish meat you eat.
Fractalline Icefish
The flesh of these fish can best be described as ice that never melts. Even if you chip one open using a chisel or something along those lines, you’ll not find even a single scrap of anything edible. Overall a disappointment of a fish.
Thawed Icefish
Weird, non-newtonian flesh? Check. Dissolves into a thick, gray slop when you put it back in the water? Check. Tastes like earwax? Check. A waste of time to catch unless you want to sell it for some weird reason? Quadruple check.
Astral Icefish
These fish have transcended past the need for flesh. If anything, they’ll be happy to let you strip off all their flesh and then go about their business. As for the best way to cook the flesh… It tastes best when smacked with a meat tenderizer a dozen times, boiled, fried and then salted.
Bubbling Char
Literally made of lava. Don’t even think about it.
Hinged Wolffish
When eaten raw or undercooked, the flesh of these fish will make teeth start growing in weird places, like your nose, your hands, your heart, your eyes and even under your bed. When cooked right, however, the taste is very tender and the texture is very similar to beef. Perfect for usage in mojama.
Craterous Seer
They’re bottom-feeders and they have a taste to match this. If you like eating things that taste like dirt and slowly reveal forbidden secrets to you with every bite you take, then get your hands on a bunch of these and go nuts.
Feral Lizardfish
The meat of these things tastes suspiciously like the meat of monkeys. Do not eat just in case. You wouldn’t want to be patient zero for some kind of neurodegenerative prion disease, would you?
Bulbous Toothfish
Be sure to cut open the weird gestation sac attached to these things. Not only will it get rid of the weird pus-like aftertaste the meat would have otherwise thanks to the amniotic fluid, but the critter inside the sac can be cooked as well. The fish’s meat is best served boiled and then grilled, while the creature inside (which is usually stillborn) can be put on the grill as is.
Grisly Shark
Like regular goblin sharks, you should dry and salt the meat to make it edible. However, as the raw meat will continuously grow new mouths as it dries, it would be wise to remove any new teeth in the meat before eating.
Pale Grasper
It’s tempting to catch one of these due to the size, but it’s usually not worth the risk due to the fact that it can freeze you solid by simply touching you with one of its hands. Though if you manage to avoid being frosted, ALWAYS cut off the hands before any preparation can take place! While the meat is best steamed and then roasted, the central bulb should be ground up and then served as something akin to hamburgers.
Fallen Stars
While the toothy ones aren’t edible, the other two are. For the weird lumpy one, simply remove all of the space rocks and put it in the oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about ten minutes. For the one that looks like a hand, it can actually be eaten as is.
King’s Wreath
Aside from the fact that you need to be careful handling one of these if you don’t want to have your flesh pierced/cut by one of the claws, there’s a surprising amount of meat on one of these.
I sincerely hope this was helpful. Good luck to you!
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